![]() don't trust the rules, trust yourself." And trust your significant other. The bottom line is this: If the question is trust-based, as Syrtash said, it "boils down to instinct. sometimes your gut is telling you what's really going on." It's important, if admittedly near impossible at times, to separate those gut feelings from suspicion. "Lying, constant mistrust - if your gut feelings are always questioning what's going on. "Infidelity doesn't have to be a deal breaker, but often it is," Brateman told Mic. This is especially disconcerting if both parties have been faithful, but even if one has cheated, the inability to reestablish trust points to a relationship's demise. For example, when someone "searches for constant proof that you're loyal, when the other person seems to need constant proof," as Brateman explained, that belies a deeper mistrust. And while most people are insecure, to a degree, there's a point at which insecurity becomes toxic. "Jealousy is about insecurity," she continued. "If you're dating someone who's really jealous and it's unreasonable, thats a huge red flag. "Jealousy is a big issue and we see this coming up in a lot of relationships," Sussman said. If the trust has evaporated, though, and one party is (or both parties are) jealous of the other, a couple can land on shaky ground. Not ideal, but so long as the feelings are gone - so long as things are truly over between them - it shouldn't torpedo the relationship. Let's say that the S.O.'s ex is always hanging around. "If you feel like a broken record and you complain about it every day and he's still not making changes," she continued, "it's time to take a step back." 4. Having the talk is critical: A person can't change their behavior without knowing what they're doing wrong. "If you feel like 'my boyfriend never has time for me' but you've never said that to him and you leave, that's a little unfair," Syrtash said. We, as a couple, are going to learn how we both can get our own needs met and respect one another.'" Solving this particular problem is, then, a matter of conversation: Both partners talking about what they want and acknowledging the equal importance of one another's time. 'I want this, you want this, neither of us are willing to move our positions. What's important, she told Mic, is "understanding power struggles and their conflicts. A question to consider, Brateman said, is whether or not one party is always left to do the emotional heavy lifting. When it comes to relationships, though, one person's failure to make the other a priority can lead to a well of resentment. Everyone is busy, sometimes too busy to give others the time and attention they want or deserve. ![]() In any case, an abrupt change in sex drive is a sign worth paying attention to. But, she added, "sexual issues are worth working through." It depends on what's normal for the couple and what's at the bottom of a dip in desire. ![]() "Either side of the spectrum isn't good," Sussman said. But as the relationship ages and life gets in the way, it's just as natural for desire to taper off. In early days, it's natural to want one another all the time. Sex is a good barometer for how the relationship is going," she explained. Rachel Sussman, a licensed therapist and relationship expert, told Mic, but "it shouldn't be the most important, and it certainly shouldn't be something you avoid having. Whether sex becomes the last tie binding a couple together, or whether one partner's libido suddenly drops to zero, a change in bedroom behavior can herald the end of a relationship. Wanting to have sex with your partner 24/7 is a good thing, right? Sure, when it's not the only thing you want to do together. "Relationships are work, but the work isn't tying to figure out if you should be with someone." "When you're in a state of complete confusion, feeling dizzy with confusion, you have to listen to that," Andrea Syrtash, a relationship expert and author of He's Just Not Your Type, told Mic. There's a reason why the title question is one of the most frequently searched on the internet. And whether or not we're aware of relationship problems as they're happening, for innumerable complicated reasons, breaking up is hard to do: When people love another, when they want a relationship to work, accepting that it just can't is a prickly idea around which to wrap the mind. That said, when we look back at our relationship history, most of us can probably spot some things that - seen in the perfect, 20/20 vision of hindsight - look like bright, billowing red flags. Love is complicated, people are complicated and no stranger of the internet can definitively say what works and what doesn't for a partnership in which they themselves are not involved. If you're googling this, it's probably too late: Emphasis on probably.
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